Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
