Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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