I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
