see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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