Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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