so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
