is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
