I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
