Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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