tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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