Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
