mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
