im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
