I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
