And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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