please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
