her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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