I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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