Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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