What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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