i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
