I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
