My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
