I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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