Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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