So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
