Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
