your parents love me but you hate me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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