listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
