I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
