My liver just broke up with me...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
