Need sex. Gaining weight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
false alarm, still single
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