she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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