Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
