Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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