You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
