By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I forget how to act sober
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
