I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't you send me to vm
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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