If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
