What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
