I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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