she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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