someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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