K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
