i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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