i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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