My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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