Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
