i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
