Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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