being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
