marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
