Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We talked him into tasing himself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
