i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize