so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize