great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So many bounce houses so little time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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