so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
