yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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