she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
