Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
