I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
