we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
