sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
