R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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