so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize