sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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