So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just gargled with NyQuil
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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