I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
