Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
