If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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