And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
