Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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