Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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