mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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