The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
