Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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