Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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