I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
