That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
